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Setting Boundaries after Trauma: Reclaiming Your Space and Healing Your Mind

By: Stephanie Amundson, LPC, CSAC, CCTS-I

Trauma is a deeply distressing experience that can leave lasting emotional, physical, and psychological scars. The aftermath of trauma can affect one's ability to form healthy relationships and maintain personal boundaries. Learning to set and enforce boundaries is a crucial step towards healing and reclaiming control over one's life. In this blog, we will explore the significance of boundaries in the context of trauma recovery and provide practical strategies to establish and maintain them.

The Importance of Boundaries After Trauma

Trauma can cause a loss of personal agency and create a sense of vulnerability, leading survivors to feel disempowered and unsafe. Setting boundaries becomes essential for survivors, as it helps them regain a sense of control over their lives and fosters a healthier self-concept. Boundaries serve as a protective shield against potential triggers and harmful situations, allowing survivors to prioritize their well-being and emotional safety.

The Role of Boundaries in Healing

Research has shown that establishing boundaries after trauma can have significant positive effects on a survivor's mental health. According to a study by Herman, Perry, & van der Kolk (1989), trauma survivors who actively set and maintained boundaries experienced lower levels of anxiety, depression, and PTSD symptoms. Boundaries facilitate a sense of security and autonomy, which are crucial for healing from trauma.

Challenges in Setting Boundaries After Trauma

Trauma can distort one's perception of boundaries, making it challenging to recognize and communicate personal limits. Survivors may struggle with guilt, shame, or fear of rejection when expressing their needs, due to past experiences of having their boundaries violated. Additionally, some survivors may encounter resistance or hostility from individuals who benefitted from their previous lack of boundaries, making the boundary-setting process even more complex.

Strategies for Setting Boundaries After Trauma:

  • Self-awareness: Recognize and understand your personal boundaries, needs, and triggers. Engage in self-reflection and seek professional support, such as therapy, to gain clarity on your emotions and boundaries.

  • Communicate clearly: Practice assertive communication to express your boundaries effectively. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs, making it less likely to be misinterpreted or seen as accusatory.

  • Start small: Begin by setting boundaries in low-risk situations with individuals you trust. As you gain confidence, gradually extend your boundary-setting practice to more challenging scenarios.

  • Learn to say "no": Remember that saying "no" is not selfish; it is an act of self-care and self-preservation. Allow yourself to decline requests or invitations when they exceed your emotional capacity.

  • Establish consequences: When others disregard your boundaries, communicate the consequences clearly. Following through with consequences reinforces the importance of respecting your limits.

  • Surround yourself with supportive people: Build a support network of understanding and compassionate individuals who respect your boundaries and empower your healing journey.


Setting boundaries after trauma is a transformative process that empowers survivors to reclaim their autonomy and heal from the wounds of the past. It allows them to foster healthier relationships and create a safe space for their emotional well-being. While it may be challenging initially, with self-awareness, communication, and practice, survivors can learn to set and maintain boundaries effectively.

Remember, healing from trauma is a unique and individual journey, and seeking professional help is a valuable step in the process. With time, patience, and self-compassion, survivors can gradually rebuild their lives and experience renewed hope and empowerment.

References:Herman, J. L., Perry, J. C., & van der Kolk, B. A. (1989). Childhood trauma in borderline personality disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry, 146(4), 490-495. DOI: 10.1176/ajp.146.4.490


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